6.6/10 stinky bananas
Spider-Man 3 is not a horrific movie. It certainly isn't great, but it isn't a flaming piece of shit like most people seem to think.
Let's start with the good. There is definitely some worthwhile action in this movie. The two fights that Tobey has with James Franco are both good. The Sandman fights are solid with some pretty decent visual effects. Spider-Man saving Gwen Stacy is good (suck it Garfield). A few of the other things I enjoyed are J.K. Simmons (of course), black Spidey suit (everything looks better in black), and the script is pretty funny (I chuckled a few times).
The glaring problem with the third instalment of the original Spider-Man trilogy is the villains. They blew it. It's really tough going from Willem Dafoe as Green Goblin and Alfred Molina as Doc Ock to fucking Topher Grace as Venom. Yikes. They fucked up Venom. Simple as that. Venom is a cool fucking character and they made him weird and lame.
Speaking of Venom, let us not forget about Emo Peter Parker. What is now a popular internet meme, used to be a low-point for the Spider-Man franchise. But honestly, I kind of like it. It's funny.
Now, that that's out of the way, let's get to my biggest takeaways from Spider-Man 3. Tobey might be the dumbest person alive. Let me tell you why. At a ceremony, early on in the movie, Tobey thinks that its a good idea to kiss Gwen Stacy right in MJ's face. And then he can't figure out why MJ is mad at him. UUHHHHHH hey dummy, you can't go around kissing random ladies right in front of the face of the girl you want to marry. I cannot believe his Peter-tingle did not stop him. Shocking.
I'm not done. Tobey fucking smacked the shit out of MJ. Holy fuckin shit! JAIL! I was fucking floored when I saw that on re-watch. How the fuck did that scene make it into the movie. I need to know whose idea it was to have Peter Parker smack MJ around in a movie. That's fucking crazy.
Now I'm done. Bye.